Pigeons Smigeons You Say?

“When I was walking down Argyle Street today, I saw a pigeon eating vomit off the sidewalk. I decided, right then and there, that the pigeon’s reputation as a “rat with wings” is well deserved. .” – Long Aye-lander in Glasgow

I am scared of birds.

Pigeons especially.

Yes, you may scoff at my fear of flying creatures, but you have to admit pigeons are dirty, nasty little beings. People don’t call them flying rats for the hell of it!

I have had many embarrassing moments at the hand of bastard birds. I cannot walk with swagger at the harbor when the seagulls stalk me because I’m so nervous, nor can I enjoy a pleasant meal outdoors in a food court without the threat of little robins and pigeons strutting by like they own the place. (shudders) I constantly embarrass myself by flinching when they get too close and edging away from their waddling path.

Most recently, I was enjoying a pleasant bike ride at Lake Murray with my mom and daughter, Kiyah. We stopped at an adorable little picnic area near the water and unpacked our lunch. There were a few swans on the lake, but they were far enough away for me to appreciate. Then they started getting a little closer to the waters edge and I got a little nervous, but kept my stiff upper lip. So I’m keeping my eyes on the swans…. and ducks now…. around the corner, when I heard a crazy honking sound to my side. Oh my god, a posse of geese start walking towards us! They must’ve smelled the bread (or my fear) and decided to partake. It was like a terrifying parade of birds all of the sudden! Swans in front of my, ducks to my right, geese to my left…all squawking and honking! I was terrified. My mom tried shooing them away, (she grew up on farm so she’s bird friendly) but they were rogue birds and came right back! I was being surrounded! Finally, I couldn’t even act tough anymore. I packed up EVERYONE’S food real quick and bolted back to the bike trail!  Sandwiches were smashed, chips were crunched, and my mom’s cell phone even ended up wrapped in with her sandwich we discovered upon re-opening our picnic lunch. Hey, I was in a hurry! What can I say?  When my mom (and even Kiyah) stopped laughing at me and caught up I could appreciate the humor. I realize how crazy it can appear, but man, it was not a pleasant moment. Curse you birds!

So the point of this embarrassing example was to add validity to my dislike of pigeons. Those beady eyes, overfed, scavengers. Grrr… I warned my travel partners that I will NOT be accompanying them to St. Mark’s Square in Venice. You know…the pigeon capital of the world!! NOW, I have happened across a blog  that validates my point. Enjoy.

Venice Pigeon Threat!!!


11 responses to “Pigeons Smigeons You Say?

  1. I don’t mean to laugh as I know your fear is real but this is a hilarious post! You certainly know how to put someone in the middle of your precarious situation. Well done, Dish.

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  3. She isn’t kidding…she really is that terrified of the winged species and their “beady little eyes”. It was an adorable picnic spot…too bad we had to flee so quickly…honk honk! lol I’m just glad my cell phone didn’t get covered with the mayo from the sandwich!

  4. First, I would probably hate birds after your experience, too.

    Second, that picture in front of St. Mark’s Basilica? Yeah, that’s no joke. There are so many pigeons there. I had to, like, tiptoe around them. Ew.

  5. I have the exact same fear! As I started reading your post it actually made me nervous-I think the birds sense that I don’t like them and they seek me out! I made sure to wear a big hat in St. Mark’s Square and tried to stay away from the pigeons as much as possible.

  6. Go to St. Mark’s Square and do battle with the sky-rats…

    Only then will you shed your fear of them. On a side note, if you go on a rainy day they are much more scarce.

  7. Girrrl, you made a wise decision. When we went to Venice, I made the mistake of buying a bag of bird food and they all attacked me just like that Hitchcock movie. I’m not lying. Ask Chrystal! While I was freaking out they were all taking picture of me covered in birds…I was scared to death trying to shake them off my arms and hoping they didn’t start pecking out my eyeballs. Gross.

  8. Back when I was with My Indian ( he too had bird fears) he told me stories of being accosted in the playground for his lunch by birds called Kites, apparently very viscious as well. I can understand bird fear, but the post was hilarious !! 🙂

  9. I fully agree with you. I have said it before and will say it again, vermin with wings. I have been trapped on a dock with a mean bastard of a goose before. I still shudder to think about it.

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